Sunday, October 4, 2015

The "Who Knows" Box

When I organized my basement over the summer, I had a "Who Knows" box I threw things in that looked too important to throw away but too random to have a proper home. 

This blog post opens up the "Who Knows" box of my West Coast adventures.

Item 1: Pepto-Bismol 

There are certain experiences you want to avoid at all costs in LA traffic, including (but not limited to) left turns, rain, digestive system that is having a particularly volatile day. I've said too much already.

As I was driving to my internship on that fateful morning, I had a feeling sweep over me. You know exactly what I mean. Below is a transcription of my words - some in my head and some spoken aloud - from the car ride I will never forget.

This is not good. No, this is not good.

Siri, take me to the nearest public restroom.

Okay, no problem. I'll think of something else...Siri, take me to the nearest McDonalds.

What do you mean?! This is the 21st Century, there should be a McDonalds on every street corner!!!

Siri, take me to the nearest ANYTHING.

We'll settle this later, Siri.

I'll call Grandma to get my mind on something else.

How's life, Grandma?

Grandma, I have to go. It's an emergency.

Now I know what it feels like to be in labor. 

Our Father, who art in heaven...

I can't pull off, I am going to be late for my internship.

Do I have any buckets in this car?

NO! Keith, don't even go there. You are going to pull off, even if it makes you late. It's the humane thing to do. 

Yes, I pulled off and found a divinely-placed grocery store not far from the exit. I arrived at my internship on time with my bottle of Pepto-Bismol hidden out of sight in my sack lunch. Probably not the beverage most people would choose to smuggle in and "drink on the job," but that day it was my lifesaver.

Item 2: Chocolate-covered peanut butter balls

At my internship one afternoon, my supervisor called me into the kitchen. It was a special occasion and they were all celebrating by eating homemade chocolate-covered peanut butter balls. I was in close quarters at this tiny table with a big name director, equally prestigious producer, and two other industry professionals. We were just popping these chocolate-covered peanut butter balls into our mouths one after another and telling stories. It was like a Christmas party in the middle of September with people you aspire to be someday.

Item 3: A stuffed bunny

I observe the oddest things when I am behind the wheel driving through the city. I am almost always talking to my mom on speakerphone when this happens, so I describe to her what I am seeing in vivid detail. I try to snap a picture, too.

I recently saw a stuffed bunny hanging from a telephone wire: 

Or how about this jeep that's all armored-up for the zombie apocalypse?

My personal favorite was an itty-bitty car that had all of a person's belongings strapped to the top. It was like the sleigh from How the Grinch Stole Christmas after the Grinch raided Whoville. I would have been absolutely terrified if I was driving behind this guy. 

Not my picture, but it captures the spirit of the moment.

I could probably find a few more items if I kept rummaging through this "Who Knows" box, but I'm sure the Pepto-Bismol, chocolate-covered peanut butter balls, and stuffed bunny will give you enough to chuckle about until next time.

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